A Fallen Queen
by NeverWonder
Summary: The thoughts of Quinn Fabray from Sue's Superbowl Shuffle forward


**A/N: **I have never, and probably will never again, written from Quinn's perspective. She is my least favorite character, and my hatred for her grows all the time. However, I tried to keep my bias out of the writing. Quinn's mind is a scary place for me. (Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine)

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><p>She's pretty sure clinging to Finn like she has been is pathetic. But losing her Cheerios uniform felt like losing an arm, and the first thing her mother asks when she finds out is if she's pregnant again. She answers with a resounding no, but she can't help wonder what it says about you if your mother jumps to the conclusion that you're pregnant. She figures that the stretch marks aren't the only lasting remnants of her pregnancy. She feels the constant judgment from her mother, and she's pretty sure Puck's pissed off at her for giving her up. Sometimes she misses Beth, even though she only held her for a minute, and she thinks about how she gave up the one person in the world who was supposed to love her unconditionally.<p>

All she wants is to be loved, and being popular makes her feel loved, even if it doesn't last. That's why she jumps to date Sam when he's top dog around school, and then when _Manhands_ screws up the same way she did, she dives on Finn. Finn's popular, what with that big football win, and if he's popular then he's her ticket back to the top. She won't need the uniform because she'll have Finn on her arm. Nevermind that he will never be over Rachel_._

They can be prom royalty, and honestly, that's what she needs most right now. That crown will make her mother proud, and then maybe she'll forget about the pregnancy. Except that Finn keeps trying to hide their relationship, and _Manhands_ is clearly not over him. It's true, what she tells her about not belonging in Lima, though she knows Finn wants more than the life she describes and she should want more. But it doesn't matter because she's fighting a losing battle. Eventually Finn will leave, just like everyone else. Only most of the time she's driving them away, isn't she? She cheated on Finn and on Sam, and she betrayed Santana, who was probably her only real friend. She wonders if she's meant to be alone.

She tries to encourage Rachel's nose job idea, even though she knows that changing the way she looks won't make her any happier. But part of her revels in the idea that Rachel might be weak just like she was; Rachel, who has always been so confident about being who she is, might be weak too. And if Rachel's weak then she isn't a better choice and Finn will see that. Her secret gets out though, and everyone knows that she was once fat and ugly. She makes eye contact with Puck for the first time in months, and she wonders if he would've hooked up with her if he knew. Probably not because until recently "he didn't dig on fat chicks". Finn's sweet about it, keeps a picture of her ugly years in his wallet, but it doesn't make her feel better. Probably because she has a sneaking suspicion that he's got a hidden picture of Rachel in there too.

Finn will never be over Rachel, and she knows it. He can say he's happy with her, but she knows different. She keeps Sam's secret, even though it means that Finn won't trust her, and she hates that she gave Rachel an opportunity to sweep in and spend time with him. The no songs with Rachel ultimatum is stupid, but she honestly doesn't anticipate the way Finn openly defies her. She's losing him, and she knows it. He'll never trust her again.

It's over, and she knows it. And yet she clings. Maybe when they win Prom King and Queen, he'll be happy enough with her to stay. With Finn and the crown, she'll be popular. Finn keeps making a big deal about Jesse and acting like a jealous boyfriend. It's obvious, and he doesn't try to hide it. She wonders what _Manhands_ has that she doesn't. Then he goes and humiliates her in front of everyone by fighting with Jesse over _Manhands_. Sure he fought Puck once, but that was only because he was pissed about the cheating. This was different. He's fighting to protect Rachel, even if his intentions are stupid. He never fought to protect her. Top that humiliation off with losing Prom Queen to Kurt, and she's dying. She runs to the bathroom to hide, and damn it if she isn't followed. She isn't sure why she hits Rachel, and she apologizes. Part of it is anger, at the world for messing her life up worse, at Rachel for having everything including Finn, at herself for being so pathetic. As Rachel dries her tears and tries to be nice, she starts to feel like hell. Surely the other girl must know that if the tables were turned she wouldn't do the same.

They go to the funeral, and she really is proud of Finn, probably for the first time ever. But when Coach Sylvester's speech talks about being tethered, she knows that she doesn't feel that way about Finn; she also knows he'll never feel that way about her. She kind of thinks she might feel that way about Puck; she doubts he feels that way about her. But she still clings, and when he tries to break up with her, she argues with him. She's become totally pathetic, and she hates herself for it. He asks her if she feels anything anymore, and suddenly she does and the flood gates open. It's like she feels everything she's tried not to feel for a year.

It's over, and there's no pretending that it's not. She's got this idea though; she's not going to let _Manhands_ win. She doesn't give a damn about the trip or the competition because she's supposed to be better than them. She's not a glee club loser, and she doesn't need it. Kurt and Rachel keep sneaking out, and she's going to get them busted for it. Then they won't compete and everyone will blame Rachel for getting them disqualified. Even Finn would hate her for that. Yeah, that's a good plan, but Santana and Brittany don't like it; they are supposed to be on her side, but instead Santana is spouting crap about their one chance to feel good about themselves. She pours it all out, all the hurt, and it's like their friends again for the first time in two years. Santana suggests a haircut, and somehow chopping off her curls makes her feel lighter. She feels better, and Puck looks at her and smiles. Maybe this cut will make things better.

Finn and Rachel suck face on stage and probably cost them the competition. Jesse rants about it, and Santana goes off; she can't figure out why she only feels empty and hurt and lonely. Finn's apparently willing to sacrifice his status, the competition, and his friends just to kiss Rachel again; she wonders if anyone would do that for her. She spends the whole plane ride home in silence, wondering what it would be like to be loved the way Finn loves Rachel. She wonders if Puck ever loved her like that. She wonders if maybe a part of him still loves her.


End file.
